Death of a Unicorn

⭐️

Now, listen. I love me some Paul Rudd. That man can do no wrong in my books. But, man am I disappointed in his Dorian Gray ass!

Death of a Unicorn is a fantasy movie. No, a dark fantasy story. No, a funny dark fantasy tale. No, a funny dark fantasy horror film.

Ya see where I'm going with this?

Because I don't think director Alex Scharfman (also the writer) had a clue what kind of movie he wanted. As his directorial debut, Scharfman's plot is mostly stolen from Jurassic Park, along with a few of Jurassic's actual props. He never lands on any one genre, but bounces back and forth between thriller, horror, comedy, and fantasy like the laughably bad CGI unicorns that move like plastic toys manipulated by a toddler's hands. If Death of a Unicorn's was a magic show, the curtain would rise to a headless dove perched on a box sawed in half with a dead magician's assistant inside.

And then Paul Rudd steps onto the stage wearing a black cape and a top hat, and you know, against all better judgement, you're gonna watch the entire show.

Accomplices to this criminally bad movie include: Jenna Ortega as Ridley Kintner, Rudd's daughter; Will Poulter as Shepard Leopold, Odell's son; Anthony Carrigan as Griff, the Leopolds' butler and the only one pulling his weight; Sunita Mani as Dr. Bhatia, a scientist; Stephen Park as Dr. Song, a scientist; Jessica Hynes as Shaw, the Leopold family personal assistant; Téa Leoni as Belinda Leopold, Odell's wife; Richard E. Grant as Odell Leopold, Elliot's boss; and finally, Kathryn Erbe as the voice of The Unicorn Tapestries's narrator.

That's a lot of great actors being underutilized by an amateur. I recommend skipping this one. One out five stars.